it's challenging, but not difficult. it's fun, i don't hate it, i don't dread each morning, i genuinely enjoy myself, i'm thriving in my conditions, i like all the people, i am stimulated mentally each day, and i go to sleep with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction everyday.

and yet.. i'm still wishing for more. to act, or dance, or go to new york, or run off to some isolated corner in this world. this is the calm gentle rocking of a boat in a lake. and while it is peaceful, uneventful, easy and comfortable. i miss the ups-and-downs, the tears, the euphoria, the drama, the extremes, the craziness. it's been a good 2 half years since i settled into this quite niche i've created. and i think it's only a matter of time before i get tired of this quietness and seek the bright lights again :p

sometimes i feel so damn ungrateful.

but a dream's a dream. what is the point in existing if i don't have one. how do i face myself when i'm on my death bed and realise i've done nothing to leave my mark on this world. and that would be it, i'd die and disappear and there would have been no difference if i had never been born.